Let me start where I always start when somebody’s about to accuse me of being anti-cop.
Captain Schnakenberg — former Deerfield Beach police captain, Festivus Pole enthusiast, now a major and apparently third in command (way to go, Cap) — put his people between me and whatever lunatic was making noise about separating my head from my body. Terry Scott, one low-carb, zero-sugar rice cake away from a cardiac event, once floated the idea of cutting my head off with a knife and serving it to my mom on a silver platter. Scott’s now running (pun!)—waddling along like Sarah Moran—for office in Deerfield Beach, because of course he is. But Schnakenberg’s crew showed up. They did their job. I think the world of them.
Am I accusing Scott of a crime? Maybe a crime against the Golden Corral buffet bar, but actual violence directed at me? Please. Terry's an idiot — IQ solidly in the two digits, sitting glucose well past the Mendoza line. Unless I show up looking like an unopened family-sized bag of Cheetos, the man's not a threat. A giant, thundering cunt-waffle — all bluster and too, too, too many bites.
So no, I’m not anti-cop. I’m anti-paying whatever the hell we’re paying for a contract nobody can justify. I’m anti-$7 million gym that sailed in on change orders without a vote. I’m anti-rotating fire battalion chiefs pulling a quarter million a year plus benefits. That’s what I’m against. Are we clear? Good.
Now. Dan Herz. Or as I’ve taken to calling him: Dan Hurts. Because he does.
Hell, let’s go one step further, as I’m not known to moderate.
Let’s call him Butt Hurts, as that seems oddly, and not oddly, appropriate.
You may know him as the guy who just lost the March 2025 Deerfield Beach mayoral race — finished second to Todd Drosky, who took 56% of the vote. You may also know him as the administrator of the Facebook group “Deerfield Beach Politics,” which has become something of a monument to one man’s inexhaustible capacity for grievance. Non-stop complaints. Excessive posts. A digital town square that somehow always circles back to Dan.
What you may not know is that there was a residency challenge during the race — an allegation that Herz doesn’t actually live in Deerfield Beach, that Plantation is where he actually hangs his hat. That dispute got punted past the election and remains unresolved. Which raises a genuinely interesting question: the man ran for mayor of a city he may not live in, lost, and is now breaking its doors.
About that door.
At a recent commission meeting where Commissioner DanShan was apparently going to un-vote his vote to vote off BSO — don’t ask me how the algebra works on that one — Herz gets his three minutes at the podium, says his piece, storms out of the commission room, and slams the door so hard he broke it.
This happened. Witnesses. Eyebrows. One door, no longer functional.
Here’s the part that matters: in Florida, property damage over $1,000 with willful and malicious intent is a felony. Under $1,000, it’s a misdemeanor. Either way, BSO — the agency Deerfield Beach pays an obscene amount of money to handle exactly this kind of thing — should be looking into it.
That invoice is going to become public record. I’ll get it. Government buildings don’t source their doors from Discount Doors-A-Rama.
Teaser alert: I will be filing a criminal complaint, regardless of what happens. I am redressing my grievances.
So the question isn’t whether it happened. The question is: what happens next?
More specifically: what would happen if I broke the door?
If I made one of my rare personal appearances at City Hall, fired off my three minutes, stormed out, and introduced a door frame to its structural limits — Dan Herz would have launched television ads. Late-night infomercials. Commissioner Shitsky would have called for my banishment. The machinery would have cranked to life before the dust settled.
But it was Dan. So it won’t.
Because Dan Herz is a useful idiot. He controls a loud, boisterous, factually flexible tribe — mostly via that Facebook group — that does one thing well: amplifying the message that BSO is the greatest institution in human history and anyone who questions the contract hates America. That's valuable to certain people. That's worth more than a door. That's worth more than the law. That's worth letting a grown man throw tantrums in public buildings while the rest of us get the cuffs for far less.
This is the same guy who has a documented history of making city staffers feel unsafe — to the point where the chief of police had to intervene and turn down the temperature. The same guy with a collection of speeding tickets, school zone violations, $100-125 a pop, who blew off the dunning letters until a magistrate judge told him to pay his goddamn bills.
Now he ran for mayor of a city he might not even live in. Lost. And broke a door on his way out.
The trend line is not pointing anywhere good.
I’m one guy with a laptop and a mountain bike. BSO has a SWAT tank. I understand the power ratio. What I’m saying is: somebody broke public property — your property, my property — in a fit of rage, in a public building, in front of witnesses. That’s not ambiguous.
The state attorney should look at it. BSO should charge accordingly — misdemeanor or felony, depending on what that invoice says. Let Dan lawyer up. Let’s see how his energy holds up in front of an actual judge.
Because if we don’t hold the line here, what’s the next step? He’s already made staffers feel threatened. He ran for office in a city he may not be eligible to run in. Now he’s breaking shit. The arc is bending somewhere, and it's not bending toward civic enrichment. It's bending toward the day Dan Herz breaks something that can't be invoiced — and BSO writes the report explaining why it was the door's fault.
Or, god forbid, Dan goes postal.
Not now. Not ever. Enough.